


Shoulder To Cry On

by Laurasauras



Series: Homestuck [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Meteorstuck, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Post-Break Up, movie marathon, with Gamzee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-02-22 07:09:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13161846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurasauras/pseuds/Laurasauras
Summary: Gamzee has broken up with Karkat. Dave sees an opportunity for some Earth cultural exchange. He's gonna make his pal feel better.





	1. Chapter 1

As big as the meteor was, it was really only a matter of time before Karkat saw people again. He had been keeping mostly to his respiteblock, sometimes venturing out at odd times for more food or other supplies, and when he did so he tried to time it so that everyone else was probably asleep. 

He wasn’t really letting himself think or process yet, the whole thing was just too fresh. So instead, he was just watching movie after movie, losing himself in fictional lives to avoid looking too hard at his own. 

Of course, this meant that he wasn’t super aware of his surroundings and he didn’t realise that he had run out of food until he was properly, properly hungry in a way he had rarely been before. And of course it was the middle of the day, when everyone would be in the mealblock.

Karkat was not the kind of troll that could just not eat, or even put off eating when he was hungry. He was grumpy most of the time, but he went wild if he hadn’t had enough to eat. Sleep was optional. Food was not. And he didn’t really need to avoid anyone, anyway. The first couple of days he may have had red eyes from all the crying, but now they were only tired-looking because of all the time spent staring at his husktop, and that was easily justified. He always looked that way. 

He had the presence of mind to take a quick dip in the ablution trap before he went out, because as much as his hunger was making it hard to focus (and for fucks sake, calm down Karkat, it’s only been a couple hours since you ate those human crisps, this isn’t starvation), he did still have his pride. Oh human-god who was actually himself, did he have his pride. Once he was done, he stormed out of his quarters without hesitation, letting the hunger-fury lend him confidence. It almost felt good to be angry instead of weepy for a change.

 

Of course, the mealblock was quite crowded. Vriska was reading her supposed ancestor’s diary (shut up, the dream bubbles proved nothing, that discount Serket was  _ not _ Mindfang) to a very attentive Rose and Terezi. Kanaya was doodling on some paper, knowing her it was either trashy rainbow-drinker stories or trashy fashion ensembles. Karkat was feeling too snarky to hope it was the former, even though he read everything Kanaya wrote, no matter how trashy. And no, the trashier was  _ not _ the better, Rose-human. Dave was on his human-husktop, muttering under his breath. Not that that gave any indication as to what he was doing. Dave was incapable of doing anything without narrating it.

Karkat forced his attention back to the nutrition chest and saw that someone had recently made grubloaf that had a sign on top saying D8 N8T 8AT. It could belong to anybody and was in fact probably shared property. Karkat took a large slice over to the table where Dave was working, because he wasn’t the kind of troll to abscond for no good reason and avoiding unknown grubloaf owners was not a good enough reason. Stupid spidertroll got  _ reeeeeeeeal  _ stupid with those ‘8’s sometimes. She was practically begging to be antagonised.

Dave showed Karkat his neck briefly when he sat down in the strange way that he did. Rose never did that, so it wasn’t a universal human thing. He said it meant ‘sup’ which was not a word, and when Karkat told him that, he explained in that particularly Dave-human way of his in which he referred to as many stupid human things as he could, possibly to piss off Karkat or possibly because he didn’t know how to have a sincere conversation. 

The odd thing was, showing someone your neck was quite a respectful move on Alternia. It showed a mutual trust and strength. It was basically the opposite of showing your horns, which was so obviously aggressive that it didn’t need explaining, not even to the Dave-human. Though the Dave-human had needed a demonstration after he had questioned whether the display even counted for Karkat given how ‘nubby’ his horns were. Karkat had insisted on seeing the bruises he left on Dave’s stupid man-torso every time they saw each other until they faded away. (Dave ruined it somewhat by shouting ‘Spring break!’ whenever he displayed the bruises, which made no sense no matter how much more Dave talked about the subject.)

Karkat was halfway through his grubloaf (and he probably should have taken a smaller slice, he would struggle to finish it) before Dave felt the need to fill the silence, which may have been a new record for him. If mumbling nonsense had even counted as keeping mutual silence. 

‘What up, dog? What’s new in Karkat town? Haven’t seen you so much around here lately, it’s like a Karkat free zone, like every day I’m surrounded by broads and there’s no Karkat relief to be had. Like I’m in a Karkat  _ drought _ and no amount of ladies can quench the thirst I feel for this tall drink of water. Short drink of water. I am thirsty as a goddamn … fuck, did Rose hear any of that?’

‘She looks pretty captivated by stupid pirate nonsense,’ Karkat said. ‘And “nothing, bro, what’s up with you?”’ This was the appropriate human greeting response. Even if something was ‘up’. Which it wasn’t. If anything, Karkat was feeling down.

‘I’m just spinning some tracks. Apparently Rose actually listened to my music a whole bunch more than I suspected, which is pretty sus, if you ask me, like pretty invested in my interests, like could she  _ be _ any more into child Dave? Probably not, though I think we should derail that train of thought before I get any deeper into Incest Town, again. It’s like, almost every train passes by Incest Station, I can’t help the way it goes down, take it up with the city planner, fill out some kind of form, probably in triplicate, get the whole line ripped up and put somewhere new, like Perfectly Platonic Sibling Love Village. She didn’t hear any of that, did she?’

‘No, still listening to spidertroll, somehow.’

‘Good, I’ve used up my entire coupon book of Freudian slips for the week. Any more and she’ll make me literally lie back on a couch and ask me about my relationship with my non-existent mother and how that made me feel.’

Karkat made a non-commital noise. Only about half of what Dave ever said made any sense to him, and they’d been on this meteor together for over a sweep. 

‘I know I’m a chatty fucker, but usually we have more of a give and take with this nonsense, what gives Karkles?’

Karkat gave Dave his best glare, lowering his horns slightly.

‘Okay, grumpy-cat, I really need to know what is up now. You’re a talk about your problems kinda dude, you don’t keep shit bottled up, come on, have a rant, it’ll make you feel better.’

Karkat just lowered his horns more and was slightly cheered when he saw Dave cover his ribs with his hand reflexly.

‘I’ll get it out of you eventually. I’m all kinds of—hey sister, come to join me here for a wholesome conversation with my main man Karkat?’

Karkat straightened himself out and rolled his neck as Rose took a seat opposite them.

‘I’m just here to remind you that you’ve run out of your Froopons this week. Karkat tends to bring the worst out of you in that regard.’

‘If I make an awkward dick reference with no Lalonde to hear it, did it really happen?’

Rose raised her eyebrows meaningfully. 

‘Ah, no, that doesn’t count, that was perfectly intentional, you can only take a Froopon if I’ve made a  _ slip _ , not if I have intentionally cartwheeled into dick joke territory. Can you imagine if you took a Froopon for every reference I made to genitalia? I wouldn’t be allowed to speak, Rose, not even a bit, because my love for genitalia is unparalleled.’

Karkat let his head fall onto the table with force. He didn’t knock himself out, because Gog is a merciless bastard who doesn’t give a shit about Karkat’s sanity. It did, however, interrupt Dave’s rambling.

‘We haven’t seen you in a while, Karkat, have you been okay?’ Rose asked.

‘Fan-fucking-tastic,’ Karkat said, his voice somewhat muffled by the table.

‘You usually start shouting at Dave a lot sooner, I’m quite concerned.’

Karkat raised his head from the table to glare at Rose. ‘Fucking shit-hive maggot-nook-scraping—I’m fine, unconcern yourself. Please.’

‘Woah buddy, the ‘p’ word? Can I get you something? Do you need a pile of random shit and a murder-clown hug? Do we know how to get a hold of murder-clown? Vriska knows, right?’

‘First off, those murders were totally above board from an Alternian perspective. Gamzee was well within his rights to kill almost anyone, and he never shoved his royal fucking blood in our faces. Second off, I do not need him for hugs or piles or anything—’ Karkat heard the cracks in his voice and dropped his head again before he said something stupid or started crying like a wiggler.

‘Would I be correct in assuming that your moirallegiance has come to an end?’ Rose asked in a very gentle voice.

‘Fuck you,’ Karkat said, but the table muffled him and his voice was more whiny than tough. He was pathetic. 

‘Oh shit, Rose, you keep Karkitten company for like … I dunno, probably an hour. I’ve just had the best idea of my fucking life. Oh fuck, knight of time here, screw an hour, give me 30 seconds!’ Dave ran from the room and out of sight and then a moment later strolled back, considerably more calmly. ‘Karkat, my bro, will you come with me please? You too, Rose, if you like.’

‘How could I resist the intrigue?’ Rose said. 

Karkat didn’t move so Dave pulled out the chair he was sitting on and pushed it across the meal block, apparently not hearing the awful screeching noise it made against the floor.

‘Alright!’ Karkat said, jumping to his feet. ‘I’ll walk!’


	2. Chapter 2

Dave lead them to a random block that Karkat hadn’t seen used for anything before. It was quite small and furnished in a  _ completely  _ overwhelming way. Karkat had never seen anything like it. There was a large screen on the wall and then the rest of the room appeared to be made out of human-bedding and fireflies. No, they were human string lights, like Rose had in her respiteblock. 

‘Alright, we are getting our snuggle on. Sah-nug. I’ve gone with Earth movies because troll movies are weird and one thing at a fucking time, right? Most spectacular pillow fort in all of creation, am I right, Rosey-Posey?’

‘This … How long did this take you?’ Rose asked. 

Dave waved a hand dismissively. ‘You gotta put effort into something this cliche, ecto-sis. If I’d done a crappy job, it would just be a crappy job, no layers, know what I’m saying? We’d be confronted with just raw feelings, have to deal with the fact that this is a comforting gesture. This is such a perfect setup that it goes back and forth between irony and sincerity like hot-potato motherfucker, we’re gonna cheer you the fuck up.’

‘I see your point. This may be a bit too pale for me though, I think Kanaya would have issues. Is it okay if I leave you to it?’

‘For sure, I am fucking  _ covered _ . I don’t need no therapist, I got motherfucking ice cream.’

Rose left and Dave had a rare moment of total awkward silence before he recovered himself.

‘Alright, Karkles, we are in business. First movie is called  _ 13 Going On 30 _ and it is unironically one of John’s favourite movies. I’m putting that out there right away, that he loves this with complete sincerity. You and I can take the piss though, because as adorable as Mark Ruffalo is and always is, this is a tacky fucking movie for broads. I’ve got popcorn, I’ve got ice cream, I’ve got confections coming out of my sleeve like a never ending handkerchief string, and I also have makeup on the off chance that you really get into the sleepover trope. Get in, bro, what are you waiting for?’

Karkat’s handtop buzzed.

This is Earth culture stuff. Just go with it. Humans don’t have pale relationships, so this is a human friendship type thing. He’s not making a pale move.

Though, to be clear, the fact that he has gone to so much trouble comes across a little flushed. 

If you need to ask questions, I am absolutely here. This is fascinating. 

 

Karkat shoved his handtop back in his pocket and sighed heavily. Rose had a habit of reading subtext into places where it didn’t belong, so he wasn’t going to stress too much about the second message. But the first one was reassuring. The last thing he needed was to rebound onto Dave. And the third one was that combination of reassuring and terrifying that was patented Rose. 

Ignoring that for the time being, he examined the ‘fort’, looking for how he was supposed to get in. He didn’t want to collapse the thing, not when it was so clearly piled up intentionally, so different to the piles of random things that he had spent the good parts of his relationship with Gamzee in. He saw that there was an opening facing the screen and got on his hands and knees to climb through it. Once inside, the string lights that seemed so garish on the outside were dimmed by the thin snuggleplane walls. It was absolutely brimming with plushsquares.

‘Shove over,’ Dave said, and then Karkat had barely enough time to scoot out of the way before he was in the fort with him. ‘Check this out,’ he said, gesturing to a large plushsquare in the middle. ‘I combined a pillow and a mini fridge, got this snuggle fridge. It’ll keep all our cold snacks cool and we don’t have to have a single hard surface in here.’

Dave arranged himself so that he was lying on his belly facing the exit and kicked his feet in the air childishly a few times. Karkat decided to mirror his position. When they were settled, Dave pressed play.

The movie was hands down the best human movie that Karkat had so far seen. It made Karkat cry like a wiggler. He wasn’t entirely sure why Dave wasn’t teasing him for it. Instead, Dave was being properly culturally sensitive by explaining all the Earth things which didn’t make any sense. None of their lives were in danger, unless you counted their romantic lives which Karkat  _ absolutely did _ . Once that was finished and Dave had finished his rant about doomed timelines and  _ that is how we get dead Mark Ruffalos, do we want to be ass deep in dead Mark Ruffalos? _ , he put on  _ Mean Girls _ which was confusing because Karkat wasn’t sure when actual aggression was happening and when it was apparently all in the orange-haired human’s head, but which Dave said was a work of art and he meant that in the sincerest way he could. Apparently it was objectively the greatest movie of all time, and Dave had voted for it in the election himself, so he would know.

Next was  _ John Tucker Must Die _ which was a great examination of fidelity. Cheating was taken just as seriously on Alternia as it obviously was on Earth and it rankled Karkat as much as the girls that the John-human was using the same lines on all of them.

‘He’s so fucking hot though, isn’t he? Look at that, I just expressed attraction for a man person and I didn’t explode. And my good friend Karkat did not judge me for saying such a thing without immediately saying “no homo”. And also, I did not mean “no homo” it was a full homo thing to say, which is not an inherently negative thing, am I right brother?’

‘I still don’t really get the “homo” thing.’

‘It’s when a dude wants to bone another dude, simple as that, my brother.’

‘Yeah, but of course that isn’t an “inherently negative thing”. You’re literally comforting me post break up with a “dude”, you can’t disapprove that much.’

‘No, of course not, not for you, I’m just … I don’t know why, I’ve never had a problem with other people being gay, that’s an accepted thing, but the idea of myself being anything less than an awesomely masculine dude that fights bad guys and kisses babes is just difficult to get my head around.’

‘Anything  _ less _ ? Like if you brought another guy into the situation that would make you  _ less _ ?’ Karkat was starting to get cross.

‘No!’ Dave paused the movie. ‘Fuck, I wasn’t thinking about my words, I don’t always speak right, or convey myself properly. But it’s like that inside my head, you know, like one way is the more … respectable path or something. I don’t really know. I was just practicing being okay with it, because Rose says it’s not healthy to keep it bottled up and I really don’t want to talk to her about any kind of attraction because she nitpicks my words which is awkward because of the goddamn Frooples and the accidental sister pickup attempts and so I haven’t processed this enough to know what to do about it so I’m gonna say the wrong thing sometimes and it’s important for me to deal with this because we’ve got two and a half more years on this  _ fucking _ rock and it’s not like I’m spoiled for choice but I reckon even if there were hundreds of us here I’d still find you the hottest and I can’t believe I thought it was a good idea to get you in a fucking pillow fort like some kind of … and there’s nothing wrong with being a teenage girl, actually! I quite like several teenage girls!’

Karkat rolled over onto his side so he could look at Dave properly. He’d taken his sunglasses off to watch the movies, as if that wasn’t a big deal, as if Karkat hadn’t known that he only took them off to sleep usually. His eyes were very expressive, Karkat could understand why a guy determined on keeping his cool, on hiding his emotions, would cover up eyes like that. 

‘I’m questioning literally every thought in my head at the moment and I don’t know what to do about it.’

‘It seems like you put a fuck-load of effort into looking effortless,’ Karkat observed.

‘ _ Yes _ . And isn’t that just the thing?’

‘Should we try and speak plainly?’

‘I can’t promise I won’t freak out. But I’ll try.’

‘Okay, how about I go first then?’

Dave nodded.

‘So, Gamzee was a pretty shit moirail, but I’m still really sad and I think a lot of it was that he was the shit one in the relationship, I was doing all the work and  _ he _ still dumped  _ me _ and that feels so unfair.’

‘How’d it happen?’ Dave sounded awfully subdued for once.

‘I messaged him and asked him if he wanted to hang out. He said no, and by the way, we’re done here.’

‘Woah, he did it over Trollian? What a dick!’

‘Yeah.’

‘Can I see? Or is that too weird?’

Karkat pulled out is handtop and found his thread with Gamzee. He scrolled up and passed it over. 

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

 

CG: HEY PALEBRO, YOU WANT TO FIND OURSELVES A PILE AND GET A CUDDLE ON? I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN A WHILE.

CG: OR NOT.

CG: WE DON’T HAVE TO, WE COULD JUST CHAT ON HERE FOR A BIT IF YOU WANTED. 

CG: IS EVERYTHING OK?

CG: GAMZEE IT SAYS YOU’RE ACTIVE I DON’T SEE HOW IT’S TAKING YOU SO LONG TO REPLY.

TC: EvErYtHiNg Is MoThErFuCkInG pEaChY

TC: No PiLeS tHoUgH

TC: Or ChAts

TC: I DoNt FeEl PaRtIcUlArLy PaLe FoR yOu At ThE mOmEnT aCtUaLly So We ShOuLd GeT rId Of ThIs MoThErFuCkInG tRaVeStY oF a ReLaTiOnShIp DoNt YoU tHiNk

CG: NO I DO NOT THINK

CG: WHAT THE FUCK GAMZEE ARE YOU REALLY BREAKING UP WITH ME OVER TROLLIAN?

TC: GoTtA pUt ThIs HoOfBeAsT oUt To PaStUrE bRo

TC: No PoInT wHiPpInG iT nOw ItS dEaD

CG: THAT IS NOT A REASON TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEBODY.

CG: GOD DAMMIT GAMZEE THIS IS NOT OK.

CG: WHICH I SAY WITH AUTHORITY BECAUSE I’M SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR FUCKING CONSCIENCE. AND I SAY THIS IS A DICK MOVE THAT YOU SHOULD STOP DOING.

CG: AT LEAST BREAK UP WITH ME IN PERSON YOU PSYCHOTIC CLOWN KNOBHEAD.

CG: I AM HAVING GENUINE DISTRESS HERE, I KNOW IT’S HARD TO TELL BECAUSE I’M ALWAYS LOCKED IN THE CAPS MODE, BUT I’D BE DOING IT ANYWAY EVEN IF IT WEREN’T MY THING.

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

TC: SoRrY bRoThEr I zOnEd ThE fUcK oUt ThErE. 

CG: WHAT THE FUCK? WHILE BREAKING UP WITH ME?

CG: DO I NOT HAVE YOUR COMPLETE FUCKING ATTENTION?

CG: YOU ARE THE WORST FUCKING MOIRAIL, I SHOULD BE FUCKING THRILLED THAT THIS IS OVER.

TC: Aw MaN tHaTs PrEtTy CoLd

CG: YOU’VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

CG: SO THIS IS STILL A THING THAT IS HAPPENING?

CG: WE’RE STILL BROKEN UP?

TC: YeAh

CG: OK COOL JUST CHECKING

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

 

CG: I DIDN’T MEAN THAT ABOUT YOU BEING A SHITTY MOIRAIL.

CG: YOU WERE PERFECT BECAUSE YOU WERE MINE.

CG: I’M SORRY FOR BEING A TOOL.

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

 

CG: I REALLY MISS YOU.

CG: OK I REGRET SENDING THAT MESSAGE. 

CG: I GUESS THIS TIME I MIGHT ACTUALLY BE GLAD THAT YOU’RE IGNORING ME.

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

 

Dave handed Karkat his handtop back. 

‘Man, that sucks.’

‘I was thinking of messaging him again telling him how awful he is in my most colourful language, and I think you can agree that my language can get fucking rainbowtastic, but I don’t think I have the rage in me for a proper shout-rant.’

‘Dude, I support you and all, but I really think you want to stop messaging him. In fact, if you feel the urge to message him, please come find me and I will slap the urge right out of your body. And your phone. I mean handtop. Slap that shit right out of your hand.’

‘Yeah, you’re probably right.’

‘I am for sure right.’ Dave’s mouth didn’t move at all, but his eyebrows scrunched together as he watched Karkat. 

‘Why aren’t you wearing your stupid cool guy glasses?’ Karkat asked. He wasn’t used to seeing so much of Dave’s emotions.

‘Oh, it’s just a bit dark in here to see with them on.’

‘It’s dark all over the meteor, why do you ever wear them?’

Dave fidgeted with the snuggleplane he was lying on. ‘I just don’t like wearing contact lenses.’

‘What the fuck are contact lenses?’

‘Well they’re these little plastic doodads that you put in your eyes and they can help you see if you don’t want to wear glasses, but I don’t need glasses to see. There’s just not many humans with eyes coloured like mine and I’d rather not be seen as a freak.’

‘Oh, gander shields. Yeah, I was going to have to get those. They’re only really used by adult trolls pretending to be a different blood caste so it would have been super risky to buy them, but ultimately more risky for me to go around with my eyes on display once they get their colour. Maybe I would have got my own douche shades.’

‘When will that happen?’

‘When will my colour come in? Different for everyone, but lowbloods generally earlier than highbloods. Not sure what that means for me, I’m not even on the hemospectrum. Tavros had started to get his before spidertroll killed him.’

‘Are we still speaking plainly?’

‘Yes.’

‘I’m really fucking glad that you don’t live there anymore. Like, I’m sorry about the continuation of your species and everything, but I’m really glad you’re safe.’

Karkat let out a huff of laughter.

‘Yeah, really fucking safe. Up until we reach the new session and Jack punches me a new nook on his first hit because I was the worst warrior, I really was. I don’t know if I needed to reach god tier or what the problem was. I assumed that knight of blood was something pretty badass and in actual reality I was the most pathetic excuse for a player.’

‘Terezi told me you wouldn’t have made it out without killing each other if it weren’t for you.’

‘Fantastic, so I guess I bother Jack like I bothered my team into submission, is that it?’

‘If anyone can …’

‘Thanks, Dave, just … stellar job on the cheering up front.’

‘Aw, sorry man. But you know that muscle isn’t all that counts in a fight, right? Not that you aren’t packing some lovely muscles, but … like leadership skills are pretty fucking important too.’

‘I think Vriska’s got it covered.’

‘Fuck that, I’m not taking orders from her, she’s super creepy. And also the worst.’

Karkat laughed then.

‘See, that’s what you need, a spidertroll bashing session. Oh! Actually, I think that is part of the schedule!’

Dave pulled a piece of paper from his sylladex. It was covered in words and pictures, all done in sparkly colours. 

‘What the fuck?’ Karkat asked.

‘Oh, it’s my Super Fun Girly Slumber Party Extravaganza Checklist. See, we’re watching chick flicks, I’ve even gushed about the hotness of a dude in a chick flick, so we’re on track there … we’ve got enough junk food to last us about a week I reckon … I  _ did _ actually bring makeup but I don’t think you look sad enough to justify subjecting myself to that … but yeah, see, bitch about everyone who isn’t cool enough to be invited to the slumber party, that’s a real essential part, I gotta tell you.’

Karkat stared at Dave uncomprehendingly.

‘No, see, like you know how you just insult people blatantly to their faces as loudly as you can?’

Karkat gave Dave his most uncaring face to show that he felt no remorse over that one particular part of his personality.

‘Yeah, it’s one of my favourite things about you, it’s so fucking funny and you do it completely sincerely, I could never pull it off. Maybe if I dressed up like you and did a parody …? Nope,  _ that’s  _ a thought for another day. But what I was saying is that you say mean things to peoples faces, and that’s great, but it’s even funner to say it behind their back, and just to complain about them to friends without ever intending on the person knowing about it.’

‘To be fair, I do that as well, though I usually tell the idiot I’m complaining about all the things I hate about them as soon as possible.’

‘Yeah, you can still do that if you like. Do you want to start or me?’

‘I’m not really sure …’

‘Okay brother, I can do this, let’s get our motherfucking bitch on. So, Terezi’s been giving me the cold shoulder since we met in person, what a bitch. All hunky dory, flirty psycho troll when I’m on a different planet, but now all of a sudden I’m bad news because I offer to hang out sometime? In Can Town, with the mayor, who is, lets be fair, the best fucking person I have ever met. So, not even one on one time, there’s a really rad dude there to run interference and she’s still too busy with fucking Vriska to chill? Not actually fucking Vriska. Although …’

‘They’re pale! Don’t be gross!’

‘I’m gross? I’m not the one who thought that spidertroll was the one I wanted to be romantic besties with. I never thought she’d be a top contender for anything outside of hate love, you get me?’

‘She’s too easily bored for hate love. I think she’s only capable of pale relationships, anything deeper and she starts sabotaging herself.’

‘This is the shit, Kitkat, this is the absolute shit. You are hella skilled at this interpersonal relationships deal.’

‘Except for myself.’

‘Ouch, self burn.’ Dave rolled over so that he was facing the canopy of their fort and reached out to touch the snuggleplanes where they were lit by the string lights. ‘For real, man, I never hated Gamzee because I thought his weird clown rap thing was pretty funny, but fuck if I don’t hate him now for making you feel all bad and self conscious. You’re a fucking treasure, any guy would be lucky to get up in your business. Or gal. Even when you’re not in bro-love with someone you’re supportive as fuck, I don’t know why Gamzdouche didn’t realise that you were the best thing that had ever happened to him, but it is undeniably his loss, bro.’

‘You barely know me,’ Karkat griped. But oddly, Dave’s ramblings were working on him. As ‘ironic’ as he always was, he seemed to feel things pretty intensely. 

‘Nah, I know you plenty. You’re keeping this meteor together, you know. This last week without you has proven that. Vriska is pissed off, just so you know, she keeps saying that John changed history to bring her back for a  _ reason _ so she must be the leader and Kanaya just said “It Is Saying Things Like That Make You Not The Leader” and I swear they would have gotten to fistycuffs if Rose hadn’t intervened. And even then, it was a close thing.’

‘That was the best Kanaya impression I’ve ever heard in my entire fucking life.’

‘You know it. And I can’t even use it day to day because it’s really fucking weird to impersonate your sister’s girlfriend and I can’t think of anything to say that isn’t  _ completely _ filthy.’

‘The Dave Strider tragedy. Never having a thing to say that is not either nonsense or filth.’

‘Need to get a support group up in here. Start some funding see if we can find a cure. Get some fun runs happening and to keep in theme people have to be either nonsensical or entirely fucking naked. Not  _ fucking _ naked. Although …’

‘Oh my god, would you just shut up?’

Dave turned and gave Karkat one of those tiny smiles he did when he was properly amused. Those ones where the very corner of his mouth moved slightly. With his glasses gone, Karkat could see how the smile was really all happening in his eyes. He was heartbreakingly gorgeous and had said half a dozen things that Karkat could interpret as flushed since they started this ridiculous fort hang out and still Karkat chose to pretend he hadn’t picked up on any of those hints. It felt too dangerous. Especially now he didn’t have a moirail. Just spending time with Dave was enough to make Karkat wish that he had a guardian for his heart. Anything more and he would probably explode.

‘Am I resuming this masterpiece of Earth cinema or are we talking some more?’ Dave asked after a moment. 

‘Oh, play on, I need to see if the human girls do the logical thing and disembowel the attractive human scumbag.’

‘I fucking love it when you call things human for no reason,’ Dave said as he pushed play. ‘You do it so unreliably too, like one second you’re talking like any other bro, and then all of a sudden you call me the Dave-human like you think I might be getting all complacent about your alien status.’

Karkat shoved lightly at Dave’s face to get him to stop talking. The attractive human scumbag was about to do some more human basketball and that required  _ full _ attention. 


	3. Chapter 3

At some point between  _ Love Actually _ and  _ 10 Things I Hate About You _ , Dave’s running commentary and cultural translation service slowed and then stopped. He turned away from Karkat and his breathing evened out in an unmistakable way. And even though Karkat thought that if he could understand Dave then he should be able to understand any other human, he didn’t see much point paying attention without Dave’s help. 

Moving carefully so as not to disturb Dave, Karkat grabbed some of the snuggleplanes and plushsquares from the part of the fort their feet were using and piled them on top of himself. It was no recurprecoon, but it was actually better than the pile he had in his own room. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep.

When he woke up, he felt like he had only just closed his eyes and he felt just about ready to leap out of his pile swinging his sickle … but of course he didn’t. Maybe if he snuggled down deeper, the noise would stop.

‘Dave. Dave. Dave. I do not wish to touch you, please just wake up. Dave. Dave.’

‘Oh my fucking troll jesus, why are you flapping your squawk trap so much?’

‘Oh, Karkat, will you nudge Dave, please?’

Karkat made an extended groaning noise for a while.

‘Please? Rose said that she would do anything for one of his human grilled cheeses. She waggled her eyebrows. I need him to make one of these human grilled cheeses immediately.’

Karkat forced his way out into the open again, mildly surprised by the lack of noise his pile made. This might be the only fucking pile in the whole meteor that didn’t have at least five ridiculous fucking honkhorns in it.

Dave was snuggled in on himself, clutching at his stupid cape and Karkat had to admit that was pretty cute, in the same way that he had to admit that Nepeta’s lusus doing that stupid kick thing in play was pretty cute. 

‘Do you really have to wake him up?’ Karkat asked. ‘He seems pretty out of it.’

‘Rose said she might kill for one of the human grilled cheeses. I did not think that it was advisable to risk another murder spree over something so easily fixed.’

‘Ugh, FINE. Dave, wake up, you stupid meowbeast.’ Karkat leaned over and shoved at Dave’s shoulder.

‘Dun touch ma cape,’ he mumbled, frowning and curling up tighter.

‘No one wants your dumb fucking cape.’ Karkat shook his shoulder again.

‘Djoo call me ameowbeast? Like a cat?’

‘Fucks sake, Dave! Wake up and talk properly!’

Dave groaned and rolled over onto his back. He opened his eyes a crack and then squished them shut again.

‘Shades?’

Karkat found the stupid shades and carefully slid them onto Dave’s nose, hooking the little doodads around his ears.

Dave stayed still for enough time that Karkat considered shaking him again and then all at once sat up.

‘Oh, hey Kanaya, what’s crackalackin’?’ he said.

‘Rose is threatening violence and making intriguing faces because she wants you to make her human grilled cheese.’

‘Aw fuck if tha’s not the wors’ reason to wake me up that I’ve heard since the las’ time I got woken up all unceremoniously. Rose aint gonna kill nobody, Kan, she’s being ... hyperbolic!’

‘All the same could you make the human grilled cheese?’

‘Oh for-do trolls e’en have grill cheese? Why you gotta be differentiating?’ 

‘That’s what Rose called it,’ Kanaya said, sounding puzzled as to why that was even an issue.

Dave pitched over and landed on his hands and knees. He crawled out of the fort mumbling away to himself about being awake now and not condoning this kind of behaviour. Karkat followed, also giving up on sleep. Despite feeling like it hadn’t been that long, it was probably the best sleep he had had in weeks, since the last really good feelings sesh he’d had with Gamzee. Ugh, he’d basically just rebounded onto Dave, hadn’t he? What a slut …

Dave prioritised coffee before cooking, which seemed fair because he was much less comprehensible than usual and that was saying something. Rose was already in the mealblock.

‘Walk of shame, lads?’ she called merrily as they all sloped in.

‘Nothin’ shameful about a gal-time slumber pardy,’ Dave slurred, flipping her off for good measure.

‘Ooh,  _ someone _ gets rather  _ Texan _ when he’s sleepy!’

‘What the fucks a Texan?’ Karkat asked. ‘And why are you all … chipper?’

‘I am chipper, aren’t I?’ Rose said smugly at the same time as Dave said, ‘Jus’ the mos’ han’some motherfuckers in the goddamn known universe.’

Karkat threw his hands in the air and got himself a cup of coffee for himself, hating the taste but determined to get some wake-magic from it. Dave sipped at his own cup and it was actually pretty funny to see him get less slouchy the more he drank. Sure, he didn’t have the best posture most of the time, but there was leaning on various walls and there was basically folding himself on the preparation tables and trying to drink without tipping his goddamn head up.

Karkat shuffled closer to Rose. ‘What  _ is _ a Texan?’

‘Texas is the state where Dave’s from. People from Texas are Texans. They have different accents to people from where I’m from and act different sometimes too.’

‘Like how?’

‘Well, they’re basically people like anyone else, but they’re generally seen to be … hicks? Do you have hicks? Or cowboys? Kind of like well meaning idiots. And Dave’s not that, but he puts it on sometimes, likes to play into the stereotype.’

‘’Re you try’na teach ayliens ‘bout Texas without me?’ Dave asked. 

Karkat looked up and saw that Dave had pulled a weird hat from his sylladex and had tilted it mostly over his face and was looking over his shades at him and Rose. It was an oddly provocative stance. Karkat looked at Rose with his widest eyes to convey his discomfort.

‘Why did you even have a cowboy hat?’ Rose asked, her usually calm voice bubbling with mirth.

‘Was gonna use it for another thing, this is better though.’ Dave’s voice was back to normal now that he’d finished his coffee. He hadn’t taken his hat off, but he had dropped the pose. ‘You should be asking me about my hometown though, not taking it from Rose. She’ll just say wrong things on the off chance you’ll offend me one day.’

‘That’s true, I was planning on doing that.’

Karkat glared at both of them. If he wasn’t so concerned about sounding like that stupid Kankri from the dream bubbles he would give them a telling off for playing with someone’s cultural ignorance. 

‘Alright, that’s enough foreplay, let’s get down to the grilled cheese, sorry, the human grilled cheese, can’t be mistaking it for troll grilled cheese or hoofbeast grilled cheese or some other nonsense. Yeehaw, am I right, ladies?’ Dave captchalogued his hat and mussed his hair up before turning back to the hungertrunk. ‘Am I making them for everyone?’

‘I would like two,’ Rose said.

‘Yes, please,’ said Kanaya.

‘What is a human grilled cheese?’ Karkat asked.

‘I’m not gonna be able to do six at once, how ‘bout you have a bite of someone elses and see if you like it? Or I could just make you one, isn’t like food wastage is an actual problem here.’

‘I don’t want to explain it,’ Rose said. ‘Better for you to experience the joy of a Dave Strider Human Grilled Cheese in the form of taste, rather than hearing. Much more satisfying.’

‘How do you feel about spices, man? Do you eat human food or do you stick to the troll stuff?’

‘Uh …’

‘Don’t alter your recipe, Strider,’ Rose warned. ‘It is the stuff of culinary gods.’

Dave was somehow doing the food preparation while talking. ‘I know, ectosis, it’s like my whole life I’ve been living on nothing but doritos and AJ and then I get here to a place where we keep things other than shitty swords in the goddamn hungertrunk (my god I love troll words, we need to use them exclusively) and now I’m like Gordon fucking Ramsay except instead of a beef wellington, and yes that is his specialty, don’t look at me like that Rose, Gordon Ramsay is the fucking bomb, but instead of whatever the fuck a beef wellington is, I make grilled cheese a la human style like it’s going out of fashion, an impossibility because this shit is timeless like the motherfucking—shit I thought I’d think of something if I kept talking but that straight up didn’t happen, I hate it when that happens slash doesn’t happen.’

‘This is precisely why I have been avoiding you weirdo chatter-monkeys so far,’ Karkat told Rose.

‘I know he rambled on Pesterchum, but I honestly wasn’t expecting him to do it in real life. I thought it was one of those things where it’s easier to talk virtually than face to face.’

‘That’s stupid and so are you and so is he.’

Dave was now frying the food in one of the contraptions that the humans had alchemised. 

‘See, most people would use a sandwich press or a grill but Dave here has never had a functioning one of either so he pan fries it and I swear that makes it a million times better.’

‘Flattery will get ya anywhere, my charmin’ liddle bumblebee,’ Dave said, making his voice all strange and slurry again as he gave Rose a plate.

Karkat sniffed it suspiciously. It couldn’t possibly taste as good as it smelled. It was only a couple of minutes before he was given his own. Dave leaned on the counter and stared, clearly waiting for a reaction. Karkat picked up the rectangle and nibbled cautiously with the tips of his teeth. He let the tiny bit that he separated rest on his tongue. Crunchy outside with gooey inside. He took another bite, bigger this time. It had some tingles in it. He finished it off in several snaps. It was no match for his superior troll teeth. He met Dave’s eyes (probably, difficult to tell with the douche-shades still there) and quickly looked back down at his claws to clean them. Dave was looking far too smug for his liking. There was pretty much no way he could ask for another without making the smug look worse. 

‘Want another?’ Dave asked.

‘Well, one was certainly not enough to fill me,’ Karkat snarked.

‘Oooh, I think he really liked it!’ Rose said.

Dave miraculously didn’t say anything, he just started making another.

‘I would like another too, please,’ Kanaya said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally based my Texan accent off Cameron Poe. Watched Con Air last night with friends and needed to use some of that excellent material.


	4. Chapter 4

After Dave had fed them all, Karkat sort of just sidled out of the mealblock. He went back to the slumber party block, but only because he had grown a bit attached to the pile in there. He didn’t see any reason to alert Dave to this. He didn’t really like the idea of going back to seeing people every now and then and yelling at them but nothing more, but he didn’t know how to stop that from being his life. He would think about it after he slept a bit longer. 

He woke up to the unfamiliar sound of Dave laughing uncontrollably. He’d made little ‘heh’ noises every now and then, but that was worlds apart from this, an awkward and hearty ‘hahahaha!’

Karkat poked his head out of his pile and saw that Dave had taken his shades off again and he was crying with the force of his laughter, which had moved onto a strange silent burst. 

‘What?’ Karkat asked.

Dave rolled over so that he could look at Karkat and promptly made a ‘pfffft!’ sound of laughter. 

‘ _ What?’ _ Karkat repeated.

‘Oh, man, my ribs, they hurt so much, I thought I was fit, apparently I need to laughcercise some more. I can’t even explain what was so funny, it just was, and I honestly didn’t realise you were there, sorry I woke you, by the way, you were properly hidden in that blanketcocoon you’ve made for yourself there and you look properly adorable just peeking out all grumpy like that.’

‘You didn’t know I was here? Why’d you come back?’

‘Because I was in the mood for more stupid movies, I guess. I wasn’t done with whatever we had going on here.’

Karkat thrashed around a bit more to free himself from his pile, ignoring the way that Dave was clearly doing his absolute best not to laugh at him. 

‘You don’t care that I see your naked eyes,’ Karkat said, not really sure if he was right. 

‘Yeah, well you’re gonna have red eyes at some point too, right? Be pretty dickish if you had a problem.’

‘I don’t have a problem, I just don’t get why you think anyone else would.’

‘Nah, it’s not that. I mean, Rose has purple eyes, that’s just as weird. But it’s not that, it’s … okay so I didn’t even take my shades off when I was alone in my room. Partly because my bro could walk in at any moment and drag me up to the roof and they are actually there to protect me a bit, but also because … it just didn’t feel safe for anyone to see, to know that I wasn’t normal. Like … I know I wasn’t  _ normal _ , I was homeschooled but I had friends and John called me weird all the time, but those were my own weird choices, not … anyway, it was nice when they thought I was attractive, I wasn’t gonna ruin that with my demon eyes. Not that it matters so much here, because you’re mostly aliens so you don’t know what is and isn’t freaky for humans, I could tell you that we all have red eyes and you wouldn’t blink, I could tell you anything! And you should be impressed that I haven’t, because it’s tempting sometimes, especially about dirty stuff, you have no idea, it’s just that Rose and I have both decided that the likelihood of some interspecies sloppy makeouts being ruined by false expectations is high enough without me adding in some extra false expectations about like … I dunno, seven foot retractable dongs or something.’

‘You’ve … done that thing again.’

‘What thing?’

‘The thing where you started on one topic and then you’ve wildly careened into unknown fucking territory without warning. You were supposed to be telling me why you don’t mind me seeing your freaky human eyes but you do mind if Kanaya sees them. I didn’t  _ not _ pick up on that, by the way.’

‘I’m practicing being open. And  _ ideally _ I would do that with Rose. Seeing as I know her best and she’s my sister and she’s told me that she’s not gonna ditch me if I open up too much or whatever, which is pretty reassuring even if it sounds a bit fake. I’ve gotten into this pattern of only revealing stuff to her reluctantly and I think that in the end it would just end up terribly because she would have to work too hard for it and I’d be just super conscious of everything, right? And second best option would be working through it alone, but that’s kinda the whole point of this, opening up and being more comfortable expressing myself to other people. I’ve been practicing on the mayor which is fucking awesome because that dude has no judgement, I’m serious, I think he loves me unconditionally, it’s the nicest feeling. And that’s great, but perhaps I should do it with someone with higher stakes. And you … you are so fucking accepting, but you also are not afraid to tell me to go get fucked, so I think you’re the perfect guy to bare my soul to, ya know?’

‘Dave, I  _ just _ broke up with Gamzee. I’m flattered, I really am, but …’

‘No no no no nonono! Shit, not romantically!’

‘No, I know it’s not romantic to you humans, but what you just described  _ is _ romantic for trolls, and it’s what I had with Gamzee and it’s just  _ too soon _ , Dave.’

‘Uh …’

‘No, I can give you a pass for being an alien, that’s fine, I won’t be offended, and  _ shit _ it’s not like my stupid fucking friends haven’t chosen worse times to hit on me, Eridan once made some kind of pass, coulda been pink or grey at me, in a  _ group memo _ which later devolved into Tavros venting about his relationship problems with Vriska which VRISKA COULD FUCKING SEE BECAUSE IT WAS A GROUP MEMO.’

‘Oh yes, please can we have another Karkat shitfit, it’s been too long.’

‘AND I’D JUST BEEN STABBED  _ AGAIN _ BECAUSE BEING FRIENDS WITH -No, I’m not doing this now, I’m being calm, I just wanted to say, I’ve had worse, much worse, and it’s not like I haven’t thought about you that way, but I’m too raw from this emotional stuff, I need  _ time _ .’

Dave held Karkat’s eye contact for a while, but then he dropped his gaze to his hands and was putting his shades back on. 

‘Uh … where do we go from here?’ he asked. ‘Should I, like, put the movies back on, just do the moving on thing? Or should we just … take some time apart and then do the moving on thing next time we see each other?’

Karkat scrunched up his face and scratched at his skin plates. 

‘I think maybe the one where I leave now. Can I take some of these plushsquares though? I don’t know how you alchemised them, but they’re better than the ones I have.’

‘Yeah of course dude, take as many as you like, I’ve got the code to make more if you want.’

Karkat scrambled out of the fort and Dave helpfully stacked his arms full of plushsquares. 

‘Did you want more? I could carry some for you?’

That would involve Dave coming back to his respiteblock. No, better to not have a space invaded by him so that Karkat could get his feelings under control.

‘No, this is loads. I have some in my room anyway.’

There was an odd pause. They were being way too polite now. Karkat did the sensible thing and absconded the fuck away from there. 


	5. Chapter 5

The next day, Karkat woke up with the irrepressible urge to shout at Gamzee. It was in his belly before he had really woken up, maybe left over from a dream with a similar theme, and by the time he was pouring himself a hideous cup of coffee, he was vibrating with rage. He’d left his handtop in his respiteblock on purpose, so he wouldn’t accidentally troll him with some nonsensical tirade. 

He was forgetting why he wasn’t supposed to do that.

He really needed to find Dave, so he could remind him why he wasn’t supposed to do that. 

They’d been on the meteor for perigees now, why didn’t he know where Dave was at all times?

Oh that’s right, because he’d only really cared about Dave in the last 24 hours, because the stupid human had barely given him the time of day before then. 

He decided to try Can Town, which he had only seen once or twice before, just poking his head in on his rounds. Yeah, he did rounds, but not because he was the leader, he just liked to know where everyone was and to check that they all still had the correct amount of limbs. 

He ran into Rose in the passageway, and his fury had gotten to the point where when she said a pleasant ‘good morning’ to him, he just screamed a wordless noise of fury. Her eyes went all wide for a moment before she  _ noped _ right out of his path and he was allowed to continue stomping towards Can Town. 

He heard Dave before he saw him, heard him laughing in that stupid way he was laughing yesterday. When Karkat threw open the door, his laughter only got worse.

‘ _ WHAT?! _ ’ Karkat demanded.

Dave was clutching his sides and seemed incapable of speech, so he just handed his phone over.

Guess who just screeched at me like an angsty velociraptor. 

I’ll give you a hint: It wasn’t Kanaya. 

You need to work on your bro therapy. 

Karkat managed not to do another scream of fury, but only just. A growl still rumbled in his chest. 

‘Woah, dude, did you just  _ grrr _ at me? Do it again, I want to touch you when it happens!’

Karkat didn’t even give Dave a warning, he just headbutted him in chest,  _ hard _ . Dave skipped back so that he only barely connected, but he’d stopped laughing, which was the important thing. 

‘Sorry, man, I’ll take it more serious, what’s got your horns in a twist?’

Karkat took three deep breaths to steady himself.  _ One. Two. Three. _ There, now he wouldn’t shout wordless nonsense. Now he would shout  _ wordful _ nonsense.

‘GAMZEE IS A STONE COLD ASSHOLE I CAN’T BELIEVE HE DUMPED ME HE IS THE WORST PIECE OF SHIT TO HAVE EVER HAVE BEEN SHAT OUT BY THE HUGEST TURD IN THE WORLD. WHICH WAS ME. I MADE US AAAALLL AND I AM THE WORST ALSO! I HATE HIM EVEN MORE THAN I HATE MYSELF. I DIDN’T THINK THAT WAS EVEN A POSSIBLE THING! IT’S A MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE! AND YEAH, THAT’S SOMETHING HE WOULD SAY, I HATE MYSELF FOR SAYING IT LIKE THAT AND I HATE HIM FOR SAYING SHIT LIKE THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE. WHY WAS I EVER IN LOVE WITH HIM? SO PATHETIC. SO AWFUL.’

For the first part of his rant, Dave had just stared at Karkat with a look on his face that was partly sympathetic and partly amused. For the second half he had gotten more panicked and started waving his hands like little birds trying to find nest somewhere on Karkat’s face. Finally they settled on his cheeks and he gently held Karkat until he stopped screaming words and started making awful whining noises. Dave guided Karkat’s head until it rested on his breastbone and stroked his hair. 

‘ _ I’m so sorry _ ,’ Karkat keened.

‘Nah, man, what’s there to be sorry for?’ Dave continued to stroke Karkat’s hair in a very even rhythm. ‘Come on out little dude, the loud noises are done.’ 

Karkat tried to look around but Dave held him in place. 

‘Shh, not talking to you, the mayor just had a little hide when you came in. You looked badass, man.’

Karkat scoffed. 

‘No, I’m serious, you were properly out for blood. Wasn’t even a little bit cute, and that’s crazy because you’re fuckin’ adorable like 95% of the time.’

‘Can you stop with the compliments? At least while I’m freaking out over all this.’

‘Yeah of course, man. Which one twisted your panties, dude, the adorable thing or the fierce thing? ‘Cause I can see both of them being a compliment to you.’

‘Yeah they kinda were! Will you let me go?’ Karkat tried to pull away again. Dave’s hold on his neck was far too firm.

‘Nope. I’m comforting you. I’ll let you go when you’re properly comforted.’

‘What are you even  _ doing _ ?’

‘Aw, don’t diss the comfort, it works super well in movies, I’m so sure I’m doing it right. ‘Sides, Rose did it to me when I first got here, said it used to calm down Davesprite before they fucked up that timeline …’

Karkat grumbled a little more but the comforting was actually incredibly effective. He was nestled in all close and secure, and every time Dave stroked his hair he felt tingles go all the way through his body. Then Dave’s hand brushed against his horn and his purrs kicked in.

‘Sorry, I can’t control the purrs,’ Karkat said, embarrassed. His voice came out all distorted as his body tried to keep purring through his speech.

‘They’re fucking adorable, don’t you dare stop.’

There was nothing Karkat could do about it anyway. 

Dave ended up letting Karkat go before he was really ready to be let go, but he wasn’t about to say that. His purrs took a little while to suppress even once he was free. 

‘Go on then, time-boy, how long was that?’

‘6 minutes 32 seconds exactly. Goddamn, don’t do that, I can’t help being a human clock.’

‘You don’t like it?’

‘Oh sure, it’s fine when I mean it, I just don’t like it when it catches me unawares. And it’s hard to turn off once it’s been turned on. Like now I’ve been counting how long since I started talking and that’s super distracting, because it makes me vaguely uncomfortable to end a count on an uneven millisecond and you try timing your speech like that.’

‘Is that a godtier thing?’

‘Yeah, I mean I was sensitive to it before and Davesprite was worse, so maybe it’s just something I picked up the longer I was using my powers.’

Karkat looked around the room properly now that he wasn’t screaming or being physically restrained. Can Town lived up to the name. It was a bunch of food cylinders arranged to make hives and other buildings, presumably stores and public places. That wasn’t really a thing on Alternia. They ordered food online and it was delivered to their hives. Or they hunted for it if they were stupid enough to build a remote hive. Well, not stupid. There were pros and cons to both, if Karkat was being fair. 

‘What’s the big one?’ Karkat asked.

‘City hall. It’s like the government headquarters of a town. Nope, that’s still too alien, huh? It’s where the people who work for the benefit of the city work.’

‘Don’t all people work for the benefit of the city? Isn’t that how a …  _ community  _ works?’

‘Yeah, but I mean like fixing roads and spending taxes. I don’t really know what goes on, I was  _ not _ interested in local politics before the game. Or any kind of politics if we’re being honest.’

‘Terezi was interested in that stuff,’ Karkat offered.

‘Yeah, except she’s avoiding me like the fucking plague. Like if I had pustules and death hanging off me like a discount suit, I could not be more repulsive to her. It’s as if I’m a spider and she’s a middle aged woman, let’s burn the fucking house down, we’ll get another, just keep that fucking strider spider the fuck away from me.’

‘Wow.’

‘I need to write a song called Strider Spider now.’

‘Just because it rhymes, doesn’t make it true.’

‘Shows what you know.’

The little carapacian came up and gave Dave a red crayon.

‘Sorry little dude, I will absolutely get onto that. Do you have something for Karkat to do?’ The carapacian looked at his other crayons. ‘Something on the ground level too, Mayor. He can’t fly.’

‘Rub it in, why don’t you!’

‘Nah man, just making sure, he’s got me making a star scape up there.’

The carapacian took Karkat’s hand in his own and lead him to a huge stack of cans. Karkat picked two up at random and looked to his new friend for guidance. He also picked up two and then began to stack them closer to the rest of the town, clearly making a new building. Karkat picked it up quickly, basing his design on the other buildings. 

‘He’ll let you choose what kind of building it is too, won’t you buddy?’

The carapacian nodded eagerly.

‘What, like I can choose what happens in this building? Oh. How do I ... I like movies?’

‘Cool, so make it a movie theatre.’ Dave was floating so that his belly was parallel with the roof, drawing on his back. ‘Chuck us the yellow?’

The carapacian attempted to throw a yellow crayon to Dave, but he clearly had the strength of a newborn chicken, so it came up short and then fell promptly on the little guy’s head and then bounced onto the floor. Karkat picked it up and threw it at Dave as hard as he could, but Dave just plucked it from the air. Stupid godlike reflexes. 

‘Is this a thing you do often?’ Karkat asked.

‘What, hang out with the mayor? Yeah, I mean not  _ every _ day, but most days I clock a few hours here.’

‘Why?’

‘Well for starters, the mayor is fucking awesome. He’s my best friend. Such a cool dude.’

‘Does he even speak?’

‘Not often, but he gets his point across. And he’s a good listener, probably. That or he ignores me. I dunno, I don’t even feel the need to fill the silence, he’s just a good dude.’

The dude in question tugged at Karkat’s jumper to get his attention. He handed Karkat a bit of card paper and some coloured textas. 

‘So I can make a sign? Are you sure?’

The mayor nodded and put the heels of his hands together and the tips of his fingers. 

‘What’s he doing?’

‘Aw, that’s adorable! He’s making a little diamond with his hands!’

‘That’s …’

‘Don’t be weird, Karkat, he’s not coming on to you. He just is expressing his platonic love in a hand gesture and it’s fucking adorable.’

‘Oh.’

Karkat made the gesture back. The mayor jumped up and down a little bit and clapped his hands.

‘I guess that is pretty cute …’ Karkat said. He was understating it. It was fucking adorable. He was pretty sure he loved this little mayor already.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, so in my universe, Kanaya never killed Eridan, she just snapped his wand and threatened him with her chainsaw. This is because I want to ship Eridan with some peeps, no spoilers. I know he isn't super popular, but he fascinates me.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] 

CG: HEY DAVE. 

TG: hey man 

TG: was that a general hey dave or did you want something 

CG: NO ULTERIOR MOTIVES I JUST WANTED TO 

CG: CHAT 

CG: HUMAN CHAT 

TG: fuck yes lets human chat 

TG: shit what do humans talk about 

TG: karkat ive forgotten all conversational topics 

CG: THIS IS MONUMENTALLY AWKWARD 

TG: only awkward if you let it be awkward man 

TG: super fast topic change 

TG: want to play ghostbusters? 

TG: its really fucking terrible 

CG: YOU’RE SELLING IT 

CG: SALESMAN OF THE QUARTER OVER HERE 

TG: damn straight 

TG: put my picture on the wall 

TG: i wont even do a stupid pose, play it straight as a ruler, chill as a cooler, slick as a dueler 

CG: OH MY GOD PLEASE DON’T START RAPPING 

TG: yeah ok 

TG: did you want to play this game or what 

CG: FINE. MEET YOU IN THE MAIN LAB BLOCK 

TG: now or? 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] 

TG: yeah now makes sense 

TG: chill as a cooler good one dave 

Karkat didn’t let himself think too hard about going to hang out with Dave again. He had drawn up boundaries. It wasn’t his fault that Dave kept trampling all over them like some kind of uncoordinated hoofbeast with twice the amount of legs and half the amount of sense as it should have.

It wasn’t his fault and he refused to feel guilty for leading Dave on.

Except that he totally felt guilty for that because if he was a character in one of his movies he would hate himself for not either kissing Dave or leaving him be.

And if he was watching that character fuss about with his hair for ten minutes before going to meet the boy he was _absolutely not interested in because it’s too soon_ he would roll his eyes pointedly at the screen and probably at Eridan because no one else would watch his movies with him. Well, Nepeta, sometimes, but she wasn’t free as often. Maybe he should talk to Eridan … Soon. He might have given up the leader thing, but he could still look out for his friends. And Eridan was his friend, despite the murders.

He stopped fussing with his hair because it was a mess no matter what he did and left for the main lab block.

For once, it was empty. Thank god for small miracles. The miracle being that Rose was not there to point out the inevitable awkwardness.

Karkat started to fool around with the television, hoping to get a start on the game that Dave had advertised so prettily. All the Earth technology weirded him out a bit, all plastic and lifeless, but it was easy enough to use. If he couldn’t figure it out just by fucking around with it, he basically shouldn’t be allowed to use it at all, those were the rules.

Dave entered the room and Karkat looked up from what he was doing. He was in his stupid godtier clothes as usual, because he was a show off, but his hair was all over the place and still slightly dripping.

‘Do you not know how to use a towel?’ Karkat asked. ‘I could show you the basics. Step one: dry yourself. That’s it, there’s one step.’

‘Yes, thank you towelling master,’ Dave said, walking over to join him. ‘Are we getting straight into this or did you want to grab some breakfast first?’

‘Human grilled cheese?’

Dave snorted. Maybe Karkat had come across a bit eager there.

‘If you like. Or I can do eggs and bacon.’

Karkat followed Dave over to the cooking station.

‘I know your human grilled cheese won’t poison me though. Should I risk a different food?’

‘You forget that I’ve been cooking for Kanaya for months. You can eat anything I can, I’m pretty sure. Unless you have an allergy. Did you know that peanuts are deadly to Egbert? He’s like the archetype of a nerd just like I’m the archetype of the best goddamn human there is. Maybe I won’t make peanuts for trolls just in case. Is that stupid? I dunno, I’ll ask Rose later. I really like satay, so I should figure that out. Everyone likes bacon and eggs though, so I think you’re safe with that. Unless you’ve grown attached to my gri-sorry my human grilled cheese. In which case, let me know, you can get up in the grill of the grilled cheese. Nah, that didn’t work, thought there was something there but there wasn’t.’ Dave once again proved his ability to talk and cook at once.

Karkat felt very much like he wasn’t even needed in the conversation.

‘OH MY GOD DAVE DO YOU EVER SHUT UP?’

‘Nah, not really. You don’t have to listen though, just tune me out.’

‘What if you say something important while I’m tuning you out?’

‘I think we can both agree that that is pretty fucking unlikely. Does it really bother you?’

‘No,’ Karkat said sullenly.

‘Okay, well, just so you know, that was your one chance, you just missed your shot to blow, those opportunities come once in a lifetime.’

‘I just don’t like it when I feel like you’re laughing at my ignorance and everything is an inside joke for you.’

‘Oh. That’s reasonable. You didn’t miss your chance to blow, by the way, that was just lyrics, baby.’ Dave took a boxy something from his sylladex. ‘Always carry at least five music devices with you at all times. That’s just common sense.’ He pressed some buttons on the machine and music started up.

Karkat … mostly listened to movie soundtracks. Maybe he shouldn’t tell Dave that.

Dave cooked as he rapped along with the music, which was catchy as fuck, of course, whisking the eggs and frying them up with the bacon. Karkat decided to not mention that of course trolls also had bacon and eggs, because he _had_ been angling for another human grilled cheese before and that didn’t seem very subtle. He didn’t really make much effort with his cooking usually. He didn’t like to be hungry, but eating was pretty uneventful. Human grilled cheese being a party-in-his-mouth kind of exception.

‘You wanna put some of your music on? I’m pretty sure I can understand Alternian now I’m a god.’

‘Dave … You might want to be the authority on music in this relationship … I only listen to movie soundtracks.’ Oh, apparently he _was_ telling Dave that.

‘That song was written for a movie, doesn’t make it any less bomb.’

Karkat looked skeptically at Dave, but he didn’t seem to be lying. Of course, none of Karkat’s soundtracks were compatible with the weird inorganic boom box. He pointed this out.

‘Okay, bro, no worries, we’ll just treat ourselves to the magic that is Dave Strider’s hella dope playlist.’ Dave went quiet as he fiddled with his device. Apparently cooking and talking went together, but not choosing another song. ‘Right, so I’m going to just put _my_ music on, not _mine_ mine, just my taste, ya know, and then maybe later I’ll show you some stuff other humans might have heard of. Damn, with three other humans it’s no longer impressive that I know bands no one else does. That is one helluva downside to the extermination of most of your race.’ Dave served up breakfast once he had a track playing.

For just bacon and eggs, it was amazing. Karkat had to really work at it to pretend it was only okay.

‘This music hurts my entire body,’ Karkat pointed out politely when a new song came on.

‘Ease into the electronica, got it. It took me a couple listens to appreciate the wonder that is Alice Glass as well, but Bro knows when there’s something good.’ Dave skipped the song. ‘And isn’t afraid to play it on repeat until I concede. Electronica for beginners.’

Karkat wrinkled his nose slightly, but he didn’t really object. He didn’t listen to music enough and was glad to have it on in the background, even if he felt a bit out of it. He also didn’t want to point out the present tense Dave had used. He didn’t understand human families and only had a sample size of four to work off.

‘So are we playing your stupid human video game?’ Karkat asked. He pushed out of his chair and waited to see if Dave was following. He was, but hesitatingly.

‘Oh, yeah, I really don’t want to do that. I just suggested the first thing that came to mind.’

‘What do you want to do then?’

‘I was hoping to convince Rose to play violin for me to sample. Do you have violins? Four stringed instrument I would say is the troll way of saying it. Except that could also be a bass. Or a ukulele.’

‘I have a …’ Karkat hesitated. Why was he so eager to impress Dave?

‘What?’

‘Nothing. Should we go find Rose?’

‘No, I want to hear what you have.’ Dave tilted his glasses to look at Karkat properly. He had pretty eyes.

‘I have a keyboard. I play keyboard. Poorly, but …’

‘Do you sing?’

‘...’

‘Yes, please say you sing, please sing for me Karkat, I’ll do anything, I gotta get your voice in my music.’

‘No, what, why are you making this a big deal?’ Karkat backed back a step and Dave matched him.

‘I love your voice, you have the best voice, please say you’ll sing?’

‘What are you talking about?’ Karkat said, making another effort to shuffle away. Dave had gotten rather close, crowding him, his gestures getting all big in his enthusiasm.

‘What about rap, would you rap for me? It’s basically just talking, come on Karkat, my beautiful and precious butterfly …’

‘You’re being weird, Dave.’

Dave dropped his hands from where they had been hovering, almost touching Karkat’s shoulders. He took a step backwards. ‘I’ll get you to sing into my shell one day, you glorious mermaid.’

‘Still weird.’

‘Did you honestly expect me to stop?’

Karkat smiled.

‘That was a genuine Karkat smile, I think I get a prize! What’s my prize, Karkles, you get to distribute Karkat prizes, it’s only fair.’

Karkat stopped smiling and scowled instead. ‘You do not get a prize for that. And I don’t trust you with prizes, every time you say you have a prize, it’s always your human bulge.’

A polite cough sounded from the doorway. Rose was leaning casually, one hand held out.

‘Ah, fuck, that doesn’t even count, he said that!’ Dave protested.

‘Are you implying that you haven’t said a single thing I would take a Froopon for this morning?’

Dave was quiet. Karkat could see behind his sunglasses from this angle and he was completely blank faced.

‘What would you say, Karkat?’ she asked.

‘I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.’

‘I’ve been trying to get Dave to ease up on accidentally making sexual innuendo. If he was just doing it intentionally, that would be one thing, but the accidental slips of the tongue certainly imply that he doesn’t have control over his sexual expression. I think counselling will help, but he has been resistant. Hence the Froopons. If he had any control, he would use it, but he doesn’t, so I’m right.’

‘Something about tongue slips,’ Dave mumbled. ‘Goddamn it. Fine. Karkat, you cool if we postpone? I need to get this done with.’

‘Yeah, fine. I was thinking of tracking down Eridan, actually. Thoughts?’

Rose got a faraway look in her eyes.

‘I won’t keep Dave long. You should find us, after. In my room.’

‘That’s fucking ominous, sis, you just gonna drop that on him?’

‘Oh, you’re not in any danger, I simply thought you might like to talk …’

Karkat waved his hand impatiently. Stupid seers. He could wait another day before seeing anyone else. Not that he was proving anything by going against her advice. Especially seeing as she was exactly manipulative enough to be bluffing advice, knowing Karkat would do the opposite just to be contrary. Or double bluff. Fuck seers. Karkat was just going to do whatever the fuck he felt like, as if Rose had said nothing at all. That’s what he got for asking her opinion on anything ever.


	7. Chapter 7

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] 

CG: HEY 

CG: SO … LONG TIME NO TALK, RIGHT. 

CA: hey kar 

CA: uh yeah i guess i thought id let you do the comin to me if you wwanted to talk 

CG: YEAH AND THAT WAS PROBABLY THE RIGHT THING TO DO. 

CG: I’M PRETTY SURE I’M STILL PISSED AT YOU 

CG: BUT ALSO I DON’T WANT TO HOLD IT AGAINST YOU FOREVER LIKE SOME WRIGGLER WHO HAS NEVER HAD A CLOSE FRIEND KILL ANY OF HIS OTHER CLOSE FRIENDS. 

CG: DID YOU WANT TO HANG OUT? 

CA: yeah actually that wwould be really great 

CA: i can come to you 

CG: I’M IN THE MAIN BLOCK, PROBABLY BEST IF WE STICK OFF THE BEATEN PATH. 

CG: I MIGHT BE READY TO SEE YOU BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHY KANAYA HELD BACK AND I CAN’T PROMISE SHE WILL BE … CALM. 

CG: WHERE ARE YOU? 

CA: look its a bit awwkwward 

CA: can i just meet you in your block or somethin 

CG: YOUR QUIRK IS AWKWARD. ALSO YOUR FACE. 

CG: AND YEAH, COME TO MY BLOCK, BUT TELL ME WHY IT’S AWKWARD FIRST. 

CA: ... 

CA: im in gamzees block 

CA: wwevve been hangin out a bit cos noone else wwants anythin to do wwith either a us 

CA: its not pale i swwear 

CG: I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO THAT. 

CG: I GUESS I’LL SEE YOU IN MY BLOCK. 

CA: i didn’t wwant to hide it from you but it seemed mean to message you out a nowwhere just to tell you ive been spendin time wwith your moirail and then he said he ended things 

CG: LOOK JUST 

CG: SHUT UP. 

CG: MEET ME IN MY BLOCK. 

CG: I THINK I’M MOSTLY OKAY WITH IT 

CG: JUST GET DOWN HERE SO I CAN TALK TO YOU PROPERLY. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] 

It took a while for Eridan to make his way to Karkat’s block, and when he clumsily dropped down from a vent Karkat realised why. He hadn’t used the corridors like a normal person, he was getting around via the vents.

‘Hey Kar,’ he said, picking himself up off the floor.

‘Hey fishbreath,’ Karkat replied. ‘What’s going on with you and Gamzee?’

‘Aw, Kar, can’t wwe put a pin in this?’ Eridan pleaded. His stupid stutter did nothing to endear him to Karkat, never had. There was nothing pitiable about a speech impediment and it was stupid how he insisted on replicating a defect like that into his typing quirk. Not that Karkat was much better, he’d been told over and over that he had zero volume control.

‘What for? Did you have something else you wanted to talk about first?’

‘Nah, I just … Kar, I’vve been so lonely, I havven’t talked to anyone but Gamzee in months and evven before that I felt like I only just got to meet up wwith you all and then I fucked up, I fucked up big time and—’

‘Shut up, blubbergills. I’ll put on a movie, we can talk about it later.’

‘Thanks, Kar.’

‘Don’t mention it.’

He pulled up his husktop and projected a movie onto the screen he had alchemised for his block. Sure, he could watch a movie in a more public place, but he didn’t always feel like that and movies were something he indulged in enough to basically devote his whole respite block to them. Eridan cuddled up to Karkat a bit more than was probably proper, but they’d been like that for as long as they had been meeting up in person. It came with the territory of knowing someone before learning what was and wasn’t socially acceptable. And Karkat had been missing this since Gamzee had left him. Dave was trying, but humans were different, they didn’t automatically reach for horns as a comfort or make soothing purrs when they were happy.

The movie was one they had both seen before, so they talked through it, arguing about who the teal blood heroine should end up with. Eridan maintained that the flushed quadrant should be filled with the sea-dweller, but Karkat maintained said they’d only end up vacillating back to pitch and if that was the case and wouldn’t it be better if the sea-dweller kept pale so that the quadrants could keep steady? They both agreed that the way the movie kept it was insane though, so there was that.

‘Are you ready to talk about Gamzee now?’

‘Ugh, Kar, do wwe havve to?’

Karkat gave him a look and disentangled himself slightly so they were sitting side by side, not all over each other. He spared a moment to hate himself for his continued pale flirting with anyone who would give him the time of day. He supposed he was still slightly better off than Eridan though.

‘Wwe’re not evven doin’ anythin’. Wwe’re certainly not pale, wwe barely evven talk. It’s just somethin’ to pass the time. Sittin’ together.’

‘And you don’t have any designs on him?’

‘Wwhy do you havve to be doin’ that all the time? Implyin’ shit. I’m not your moirail.’

‘I know, and neither’s he, but you’re both the most dangerous people on this meteor and I can’t risk butting out just to respect your comfort level. Besides, since when do you avoid a bit of pale outside a quadrant?’

Eridan leaned on Karkat again, nudging him with his horns.

‘Fine. I guess I might have a bit a flushed leanin’s, but it wwon’t go anywwhere.’

‘ _Flushed_ ? Fuck, Eridan, why is everything flushed with you?’

‘I’m not flushed for you,’ Eridan whined. ‘I like you plenty and I nevver wwanted to …’

‘Congratulations for having one person in your friendship group you wouldn’t pail,’ Karkat said dryly.

Eridan nudged Karkat with his horns again and Karkat sighed heavily before stroking them lightly.

‘Why won’t it go anywhere?’

‘He’s not right, Kar, he wwas better wwhen he wwas wwith you, but …’

‘I was afraid of that. God damn it Gamzee, why’d you have to dump the person keeping you in check?’

‘He wwasn’t good enough for you, Kar. I’m not just sayin’ that.’

‘Not happening, Eridan.’

‘I’m not evven!’

Karkat stopped stroking Eridan’s horns and raised his eyebrows pointedly when the purrs rumbling in Eridan’s chest guttered out.

‘I can’t control my purrs anymore than the next bloke, Kar, I just …’

‘I know, I just have to be firm.’

‘I don’t see wwhy you wwouldn’t be wwith me anywway.’

‘Maybe because I got dumped just last week by the most high maintenance idiot on this meteor and I don’t fancy rebounding to the second most high maintenance idiot?’

‘Yeah, that’s probably fair.’ Eridan looked like he might cry. ‘I’m goin’ back to Gamzee’s room noww. Gotta … I don’t evven knoww, I just feel like I’m becomin’ a bit of a burden here, so I’m goin’.’

Karkat thought about protesting, but he couldn’t see a way to do that convincingly without becoming moirails with Eridan and he really wasn’t interested.

He was interested in how much of that Rose saw though.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] 

CG: SO NOW THAT I AM FINISHED HAVING A PRIVATE PERSONAL LIFE, I HAVE TO ASK HOW MUCH OF IT YOU SAW. 

TT: Of your private, personal life? The use of such tautological and strong adjectives leads me to think that you think I have been spying on you doing something indecent. 

TT: Unfortunately, for the voyeur in me, my powers do not work that way. 

CG: UGH. SO CREEPY. I HATE SEERS. WHY ARE YOU ALL SO FUCKING CREEPY? 

TT: I fear I will never live up to the creepiness level that Terezi holds. Not without resorting to licking people also, and that really isn’t something I see happening. 

CG: NO SERIOUSLY THOUGH 

CG: YOU SEEMED LIKE YOU WERE SEEING WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN WITH ERIDAN EARLIER. 

CG: LIKE YOU KNEW I WOULD BE 

CG: UPSET. 

TT: Karkat, predicting when you are going to be upset is akin to predicting which of the strange troll piles on this meteor will have a bicycle horn in them. 

TT: It’s like shooting fish in a barrel but the barrel is just chock full of fish with nothing else inside. 

TT: It’s like stairs. It just keeps happening. 

CG: I HATE YOU SO MUCH. 

TT: Would you like to come and spend some time with Dave and I? I was unsuccessful at making him cry, which, as you may know, is the primary goal of all therapy. 

CG: I HONESTLY CAN’T TELL IF YOU’RE JOKING. 

TT: I’m joking. 

CG: I STILL CAN’T TELL. 

TT: Well, the offer to come and “hang out” with Dave and I still stands. I have to go now, I need both my hands for my violin. 

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

Karkat groaned and smashed his hands on his keyboard a few times out of frustration.

And then he made his way to Rose’s block.

Because he was a sucker.

‘So Karkat, Rose here was just saying you were sucking Eridan’s dick, what’s that about?’ Dave said as soon as Karkat walked into the block.

Karkat snarled at Rose who was daintily playing soft scales on her violin. She offered a small smile in greeting, not at all put off by Karkat’s many teeth.

‘I mean, you slap down my offers like a little kid slapping away a food he’s never seen before. It’s like you want nothing to do with my offers, you just want pasgetti forever.’

‘Are you admitting to soliciting Karkat now?’ Rose asked, not pausing in what was evolving into a slow song.

‘Yeah, that’s only what I’ve been venting to you about for the past three months, god, keep up.’

‘Just checking. How was Eridan’s dick, Karkat?’

‘I DIDN’T SUCK HIS DICK! TROLLS DON’T EVEN HAVE DICKS, I DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT A DICK IS!’

‘I’m sure Dave would be happy to give you a demonstration.’

‘Woah, except for the whole you not having a dick thing, what’s up with that, I just got used to the idea that you being a dude wasn’t a dealbreaker.’

‘He’s an alien, Dave.’

‘COULD YOU NOT?’ Karkat yelled. He corrected his voice to a slightly lower level. ‘Could you not?’ he repeated.

‘What’s wrong, shouty?’

‘I’d just really appreciate it if I could not talk about human bulges, I’m assuming that’s what dicks are.’

‘Yup. Bulgey as fuck. Bulging out like some kind of—’

‘Can I just stop that metaphor there?’ Karkat said.

‘Simile,’ Rose corrected.

‘Well thank fuck you’re here. I could have gone around calling a word the wrong kind of word What are you guys doing, anyway?’

‘I’m trying to sample some sweet jams, can you cool it on the shouting while I record Rose?’

Karkat growled and sat on Rose’s human bed uninvited.

Rose started playing a simple melody on repeat. Dave fiddled with some buttons and pedals. Rose changed the tune, but the old melody continued. Dave had a looping device. He started a base beat and Karkat reluctantly admitted that the whole thing was very attractive. From a skill point of view They worked well together, Rose’s fingers dancing steadily on her violin and Dave mixing on the fly. Dave was dancing on his feet as he pressed the buttons which were acting much the way Karkat would expect a full drum set to work.

They finished their song after what was probably over ten minutes and Karkat realised that he didn’t have anything disparaging to say about it.

‘What did you think?’ Dave asked. Despite his face being just as un-fucking-scrutable as usual, Karkat thought that he got a sense, somehow, that he actually cared about his answer.

‘It was okay, I guess,’ Karkat said.

Dave held out his fist and Rose obligingly bumped it.


	8. Chapter 8

Karkat had come to an awful realisation. It had taken hanging out with Eridan again for him to remember what “not interested” felt like and the reality was, that wasn’t how he felt about Dave.

Dave was _very_ interesting.

He managed a grand total of three days fucking about in his room before he gave up and went to Can Town again. This time Dave wasn’t there, but the Mayor was. Wonderful, loyal Mayor. Such dedication to creating a thriving town out of nutrition cylinders.

With no Dave around to distract him, Karkat was able to put more effort into understanding the Mayor. He made little chirpy noises that seemed to indicate his good mood and the gestures were pretty illustrative.

‘You didn’t finish my movie hive without me?’ Karkat asked.

The Mayor shook his head. He looked insulted that Karkat would even think such a thing. He would never step on someone’s toes like that.

Karkat found the banner where he had left it and found that he was mostly okay with how it looked. He wasn’t a very good artist, but he had drawn one of those old timey spool and reel movies in one corner and ticket stubs in the other. In between these was simply the word “MOVIES”.

He hung the banner up across the front of the theatre he had created out of cans. He thought back to the movie hives on Alternia, not that he got out that often. They had posters in the windows for the movies they would play. Sometimes they let Karkat buy the old ones. This theatre was too small for him to appropriate one of his posters from his block, but he could draw a smaller version. He wouldn’t write the title out, it would be incomprehensible that small, anyway.

Dave arrived when Karkat was putting the finishing touches on Troll Sandler’s horns. Karkat didn’t even hate Troll Sandler a little bit. He wondered if he was capable of not hating a real person like that.

‘Hey, Karkat, didn’t think to expect you here, woulda done my hair or something,’ Dave said.

‘Your hair always looks exactly like that,’ Karkat said.

‘No point messing with the original recipe if it’s already this fly. So fly, birds are jealous. And they’re pretty fly all on their own, you don’t want to know what the non-aviary peeps think.’

‘It’s alright, I guess.’

‘Was that a compliment? An actual real life compliment from the knight of blood? From Karkat … I-don’t-know-your-last-name?’

‘Shut up, fucknuts, if anything it was the absence of an insult. Nothing to get your pyjamas in a twist about.’

‘I think I’ll keep control of what I do and do not twist my panties over, thank you. Do trolls have last names?’

‘Of course we do.’ Karkat pretended to add more shading on his poster, even though he didn’t really know how shading worked and he was done with it.

‘What’s your last name?’

‘Why do you want to know?’

‘Why don’t you want to tell me?’

Karkat glared at Dave. Apparently he was going for the pitch quadrant today, and of course any pitched relationship that Dave had would be centred around the central theme of how much Dave could annoy his partner before they resorted to violence. Dave just stared back, apparently immune to the glares, waiting for an answer.

‘You don’t need a new thing to call me,’ Karkat said eventually.

Dave flopped onto the ground next to where Karkat was working and rolled so that Karkat couldn’t look at his poster without also looking at Dave’s face. Karkat wished he was using textas rather than pencils so that he could draw on him.

‘You could always have _my_ last name,’ Dave said, lowering his shades slightly to meet Karkat’s eyes.

‘How—? Why would I even do that? What purpose would that serve?’

‘Damn, that would have been real smooth if you were human … You know how in those chick flicks we were watching—’ Dave noticed Karkat’s confused face and corrected himself, ‘those romance movies, they had weddings—like love parties?’

Karkat nodded slowly. He had gathered that if Mark Ruffalo had gone to the love party with the other human then that meant that the main human couldn’t be his flushed partner for some reason.

‘So if you have a wedding, you’re committing to be with that one person forever, no one else. I mean, people get divorced all the fucking time, but that’s sorta looked down on. No one gets married expecting to get divorced, unless it’s like a joke wedding in Vegas, I guess, but that seems to just be a thing in movies, I don’t think that’s a real thing.’

‘I suddenly understand jack shit about what you were saying.’

‘Oh, yeah, I forgot why I was saying that for a minute there. As part of the ceremony, the woman takes the man’s last name. Unless she’s modern, I guess.’

‘What if they’re two men, whose name do they choose?’

‘That was not a thing that happened where I was from … but I guess they would just choose one? Or make a new one? Maybe smoosh them together? Like, if Rose and I were both dudes and we got married, we could become the Strilondes if she wanted to keep part of her name. Or the Lalonders. Strilondes is better. Shit, why’d I go to Rose as that example. If John and I got married, and he’s already a dude, we could be the Strideberts. Oh my god, that’s fucking ridiculous. Don’t let me marry John, Karkat, that’s mission critical, I can’t be fucking up my last name like that.’

‘So … you want to human marry me?’

‘Fuck no. It was just a pickup line. Surely trolls have pickup lines.’

Karkat put aside his poster and shuffled slightly away from Dave. Dave sat himself up and shuffled closer so that their knees just barely touched. Dave kept his glasses on the edge of his nose so that Karkat could see how his eyes lingered on his lips for a moment before he made eye contact again.

‘Your lips look lonely,’ Dave said, and Karkat just stared, completely stunned by the nonsensical words and the intense gaze. ‘Would they like to meet mine?’

Karkat laughed without meaning to, and Dave cracked a grin.

‘When God made you he was just showing off, wasn’t he?’ Dave said. Without waiting for a reaction, he continued. ‘Were you in boy scouts? Because you’ve tied my heart in knots.’

‘What are boy scouts?’

‘Fuck, I dunno, like a kid group where you learn how to make campfires and tie knots, so unimportant, these words are just icebreakers, you know, I’m on a roll here, kitten, let me keep going.’

Karkat smirked and nodded.

‘Was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world? Stop, drop and roll, baby, you are _on fire_. If I told you you had a nice body would you hold it against me? My name’s Dave, by the way … so you know what to scream. Mmm, you bring new meaning to the word edible.’

‘Oh my god, Dave, stop,’ Karkat interrupted, throwing his hands up. The sexy voice that Dave was putting on was starting to get to him. He’d practically growled that last one ...

‘Is it hot in here or is it just you?’ Dave said, snatching Karkat’s hands and pulling them so that they were uncomfortably close to one another. Stunned, Karkat didn’t move away. If he wanted to, he could kiss Dave, it would barely involve moving.

‘I want to write a poem on your body with my lips,’ Dave breathed.

‘You talk a big game,’ Karkat said.

‘Mmm …’ Dave agreed.

Their lips were inches apart, Dave’s fingers were loose around Karkat’s wrists. Karkat touched his nose to Dave’s. Dave drew in a shuddery breath. They stayed still for what felt like eternity, and then Dave slid his hand up Karkat’s arm and onto his neck. Karkat swallowed and Dave leaned in to touch their lips together, so gently.

‘Vantas,’ Karkat said. ‘My last name is Vantas.’

‘Suits you,’ Dave said, and he kissed him again.

This time, their kiss was longer, firmer, but still sweet.

Dave pulled back and chewed on his lip.

‘I want to keep kissing you, but I’m feeling very conscious of the fact that we are in Can Town …’

Karkat looked around in dismay, trying to see if they had scarred the poor Mayor for life. Not that the kisses were very heated, but still.

‘If we … cool it for now, can I kiss you again some other time?’

‘You better,’ Karkat said.

Dave grinned and let go of Karkat. He shoved his shades back onto his eyes properly and stood up.

‘Do you mind if I tell Rose? It’s just, she’s very invested in my coming out of the closet. And, I might talk a big game, but that was actually my first kiss that wasn’t for resurrection purposes.’

‘Better than smooching a corpse?’

‘Oh my god, so much better.’

‘Then fine,’ Karkat smiled. He didn’t want to jinx it by asking Dave if they were matesprits, so he kept quiet. He was happy to play it by ear. He felt a bit giddy, like now that all his stupid objections were gone there was just happiness. Past Karkat was a goddamn idiot for not kissing Dave sooner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the end! I mean, this fic can stand alone, but I am working on at least two more stories. Gotta explore some quadrant stuff, or else what is even the point of writing Homestuck fanfic? 
> 
> The next story will focus on Gamzee and Eridan, a coupling that straight up doesn't work. Karkat best get his clubs on. Dave doesn't know how he feels about sharing.


End file.
